For starters, I changed the headline to be more catered to an audience that cares about family and creating a lasting memory. Originally, my headline didn't really create interest or grab attention. With this new headline I switched from “meet with care media” to “How do you PROVE you’re living a fulfilling life? With Care Media has the answer.” This headline generates interest and also clearly states that an answer will be provided on the intro page.
Because I am now aware of how little time I have with my audience and readers, I wanted to make sure that every word and point I was trying to communicate was both clear and concise. I didn’t overly explain what the company was or year founded or include any unnecessary information. I added right away, the why, where, what and who, with care media is right away.
“Time is always on the move. So why don’t you let us capture some of those precious moments for you. Based out of Windsor, ON With Care Media is a photography company dedicated to capturing timeless moments of you and your loved ones.“
I then added a new photo of a family I took to match the energy I created of “timeless, meaning, love”. This was to show viewers proof of what I do. And to back up my claim in the beginning text.
Next thing I added was a reinforcement to why people need photos. By mentioning “their life matters”. This was followed by a justification for why photos are important. I also optimized this article by adding in bold, italic and underlined wording to make certain questions and info stand out. This is important to do because it helps with the scannability of my intro.
“You may be asking yourself, Why do I need photos? Well in short, your life matters. You are always changing and one day you will look back on the beautiful memories you have and wish you had some evidence or proof to remind yourself of that very moment. This is what we do for You. When you hire With Care Media you’re doing your future self and loved ones a favor and creating a legacy.”
I ended my intro page with a quick summary of myself. I mentioned 5+ years of experience to help readers use logic when justifying why they should hire me. I added a strong call to action with a link to my website that is easy to see and interact with. The easier it is to take action the more likely people will follow the call. I also mentioned that we offer our services outside of Ontario as well and the services are mobile.
“With over 5+ years of experience with photography and video, I fell in love with photography, and capturing the most authentic special moments for people. The greatest part about our services is that we can go anywhere. Planning a destination wedding? We can meet you! Wanting to do a beach photoshoot when you're escaping those harsh Southwestern Ontario winters? With Care Media can be there! Leave a legacy for yourself. Book your photoshoot at www.withcaremedia.com”
This updated intro is much stronger because it focuses on plain language writing, the headline offers an answer of interest to my audience, the post is scannable and lastly, has a clear CTA.